dad's memorial service will be:
Sunday, May 23, 2010
@
2:00pm
@
NewSong Church
945 W. Covina Blvd.
San Dimas, CA 91773
In lieu of flowers, the family wishes for a donation to be made to NewSong Church, whose mission and vision were close to Dad's heart. If you so choose, please put the words "In Memory of Don Hays" in the memo section of your check or in the comments section for the online donation site. All donations are tax-deductible.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
the good fight has been fought...
Dad went to be with Jesus yesterday morning at 5:43am. it was a peaceful departing. he was where he wanted to be when he died -- at home.
on wednesday morning, mom and i decided that something needed to change about dad's care because it became more and more difficult to get him to the bathroom and back. that morning, mom had an appointment so my brother Gregg and i took care of him for those midday hours. the hospice doctor, nurse and social worker came around 1pm, which was the time mom came back from her appointment. we decided to order a hospital bed and necessary meds to keep him comfortable in what we knew would be his last days.
the bed came and he was transferred into it. the doctor told us it would be no more than a week, maybe two. little did we know that 12 hours later, he would be in heaven! it was really so fast, i don't think we even understand it. MCC is so aggressive and such a fast moving cancer. the doctor and nurses had never seen anything like it.
we had asked our church's care team earlier in the day to ask some gentlemen in our church to come and sit with dad through the night so mom and i could get some sleep [i don't think mom has slept much in the last two months!]. an elder from our church came and sat with dad, prayed over him through the night, and stayed with him through those last few difficult hours. what a blessing for us!
God made himself known through every part of my dad's journey, even these last few days. he felt little or no pain. he had a positive attitude about life and even about this fight, willing to go the distance to do everything to defeat it with God's and science's help. so much to live for! and all of those tough treatments of chemo and radiation prolonged his life; he supported me through every major life event one can have, even losing a spouse to death.
i love my daddy and i will miss him so much. i have all the wisdom that he passed on to me that i may pass on to my children and those funny sayings he had.... what a funny guy he could be sometimes.
i love you, daddy. give Brian a big hug for me. i'll see you again someday.
Psalm 91
14 The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
16 I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”
on wednesday morning, mom and i decided that something needed to change about dad's care because it became more and more difficult to get him to the bathroom and back. that morning, mom had an appointment so my brother Gregg and i took care of him for those midday hours. the hospice doctor, nurse and social worker came around 1pm, which was the time mom came back from her appointment. we decided to order a hospital bed and necessary meds to keep him comfortable in what we knew would be his last days.
the bed came and he was transferred into it. the doctor told us it would be no more than a week, maybe two. little did we know that 12 hours later, he would be in heaven! it was really so fast, i don't think we even understand it. MCC is so aggressive and such a fast moving cancer. the doctor and nurses had never seen anything like it.
we had asked our church's care team earlier in the day to ask some gentlemen in our church to come and sit with dad through the night so mom and i could get some sleep [i don't think mom has slept much in the last two months!]. an elder from our church came and sat with dad, prayed over him through the night, and stayed with him through those last few difficult hours. what a blessing for us!
God made himself known through every part of my dad's journey, even these last few days. he felt little or no pain. he had a positive attitude about life and even about this fight, willing to go the distance to do everything to defeat it with God's and science's help. so much to live for! and all of those tough treatments of chemo and radiation prolonged his life; he supported me through every major life event one can have, even losing a spouse to death.
i love my daddy and i will miss him so much. i have all the wisdom that he passed on to me that i may pass on to my children and those funny sayings he had.... what a funny guy he could be sometimes.
i love you, daddy. give Brian a big hug for me. i'll see you again someday.
Psalm 91
14 The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
16 I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”
Saturday, May 8, 2010
hard days....
friends-- i wrote the following in mid April but never made it on to my blog site to publish it. i will be posting a further update tomorrow:
I hesitate to write as it is difficult for me, but here goes.
My dad has been told by his doctors that there are no more treatments that he
may receive. No more radiation. No more chemotherapy. The reason for this is
because the treatment has become ineffective. It's no longer working.
And it's true. He would receive treatment and the tumors continued to grow, as
they do now. They are growing very quickly. The kids and I went away for an
overnight stay at a friend's and when we got home, I noticed a significant
amount of growth from the tumors; even new ones had formed. Also, the older
tumors have begun to weep and bleed as the cancer is eating through the skin.
The large tumors beneath or near his jaw have begun to displace it, making it
difficult for him to eat or drink. Honestly, my father looks very little like
his former self. His voice is changing, too, as the tumors encroach upon his
esophagus and throat area.
Dad's mood is melancholy as he worries about the coming days. I pray he looks to
the skies for the hand of God to bless him and the arms of Jesus to comfort him.
Though he does try to keep a good attitude for us sometimes, he is depressed and
emotionally and physically exhausted a lot of the time.
And so, family and friends, I write an honest account of the happenings here. It
is not easy. Mom is his 24/7 nurse, while dr's and nurses from hospice care have
now begun to visit at least once a week. I try to help when I am home, as I have
a new job that allows me to continue homeschooling the kids.
Please pray for us all here and give Mom or Dad a call or email to encourage. We
will let you know further in awhile, if more help is needed. Thank you for your
prayers.
I hesitate to write as it is difficult for me, but here goes.
My dad has been told by his doctors that there are no more treatments that he
may receive. No more radiation. No more chemotherapy. The reason for this is
because the treatment has become ineffective. It's no longer working.
And it's true. He would receive treatment and the tumors continued to grow, as
they do now. They are growing very quickly. The kids and I went away for an
overnight stay at a friend's and when we got home, I noticed a significant
amount of growth from the tumors; even new ones had formed. Also, the older
tumors have begun to weep and bleed as the cancer is eating through the skin.
The large tumors beneath or near his jaw have begun to displace it, making it
difficult for him to eat or drink. Honestly, my father looks very little like
his former self. His voice is changing, too, as the tumors encroach upon his
esophagus and throat area.
Dad's mood is melancholy as he worries about the coming days. I pray he looks to
the skies for the hand of God to bless him and the arms of Jesus to comfort him.
Though he does try to keep a good attitude for us sometimes, he is depressed and
emotionally and physically exhausted a lot of the time.
And so, family and friends, I write an honest account of the happenings here. It
is not easy. Mom is his 24/7 nurse, while dr's and nurses from hospice care have
now begun to visit at least once a week. I try to help when I am home, as I have
a new job that allows me to continue homeschooling the kids.
Please pray for us all here and give Mom or Dad a call or email to encourage. We
will let you know further in awhile, if more help is needed. Thank you for your
prayers.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
an update long overdue
if has been two months since this blog has been updated and for that, i apologize. it's been a busy two months for everyone here at our household, but here I am finally updating everyone.
after my last entry, dad was told that the chemo he was having wasn't working, as was evident by the continued growth of his tumors. so the doc said that he would switch it up to another chemo treatments dad had had when all this began. it worked then and it may very well work now. a week or so later, dad was very depressed about his changing physical appearance [his tumors are growing outward on his face] and other factors in his health. the next day at church, the pastors, elders, & the entire congregation prayed for him during the church service. what a blessing to dad & mom!
while the kids and i were in atlanta visiting family, mom and dad thought they noticed the tumors shrinking in size. in fact, the lumps on the left side of his face & the one on the left side of his neck were. unfortunately, the ones on the right side remained large. the one under his right eye is very large & is interrupting his eye sight, as it is resting against his glasses.
Dr. P decided that he would continue with carboplatin since some of the lumps were getting smaller. mom and dad told her about all the people dad has praying for him. she said that he might just as well stay with the same chemo for the time being. Maybe it is the prayers &/or the chemo so why change now? and we agreed.
so carboplatin continued until two weeks ago. dr. p said she was not seeing any change in the tumors as far as reduction in size. after some blood tests and monitoring of the tumors, dr. p informed my dad that he will no longer be receiving chemotherapy because it is no longer working. in fact, the chemo treatments are now harming him. last week he ended up in the ER for a blood transfusion or two because his blood levels were so low; he himself noticed he didn't feel right.
so please pray that all the lumps go down; that the Lord continues to heal him from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet; that his overall general health will be maintained. our God hears the prayers of his people.
Thank you to all for your faithfulness. We really appreciate it. more updates will be given with more frequency as life is beginning to slow down a bit. :) <3
after my last entry, dad was told that the chemo he was having wasn't working, as was evident by the continued growth of his tumors. so the doc said that he would switch it up to another chemo treatments dad had had when all this began. it worked then and it may very well work now. a week or so later, dad was very depressed about his changing physical appearance [his tumors are growing outward on his face] and other factors in his health. the next day at church, the pastors, elders, & the entire congregation prayed for him during the church service. what a blessing to dad & mom!
while the kids and i were in atlanta visiting family, mom and dad thought they noticed the tumors shrinking in size. in fact, the lumps on the left side of his face & the one on the left side of his neck were. unfortunately, the ones on the right side remained large. the one under his right eye is very large & is interrupting his eye sight, as it is resting against his glasses.
Dr. P decided that he would continue with carboplatin since some of the lumps were getting smaller. mom and dad told her about all the people dad has praying for him. she said that he might just as well stay with the same chemo for the time being. Maybe it is the prayers &/or the chemo so why change now? and we agreed.
so carboplatin continued until two weeks ago. dr. p said she was not seeing any change in the tumors as far as reduction in size. after some blood tests and monitoring of the tumors, dr. p informed my dad that he will no longer be receiving chemotherapy because it is no longer working. in fact, the chemo treatments are now harming him. last week he ended up in the ER for a blood transfusion or two because his blood levels were so low; he himself noticed he didn't feel right.
so please pray that all the lumps go down; that the Lord continues to heal him from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet; that his overall general health will be maintained. our God hears the prayers of his people.
Thank you to all for your faithfulness. We really appreciate it. more updates will be given with more frequency as life is beginning to slow down a bit. :) <3
Thursday, January 7, 2010
green light
the doctors gave the go-ahead for the chemo treatment to begin today, but upon seeing the growth of the other tumors, changed it to an even stronger one.
when reading my Bible this morning, i came across this passage and found it appropriate:
your prayers are coveted.
thank you.
when reading my Bible this morning, i came across this passage and found it appropriate:
Psalm 86
1 Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer;
answer me, for I need your help.
2 Protect me, for I am devoted to you.
Save me, for I serve you and trust you.
You are my God.
3 Be merciful to me, O Lord,
for I am calling on you constantly.
4 Give me happiness, O Lord,
for I give myself to you.
5 O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.
6 Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord;
hear my urgent cry.
7 I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble,
and you will answer me.
8 No pagan god is like you, O Lord.
None can do what you do!
9 All the nations you made
will come and bow before you, Lord;
they will praise your holy name.
10 For you are great and perform wonderful deeds.
You alone are God.
11 Teach me your ways, O Lord,
that I may live according to your truth!
Grant me purity of heart,
so that I may honor you.
12 With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God.
I will give glory to your name forever,
13 for your love for me is very great.
You have rescued me from the depths of death.[a]
14 O God, insolent people rise up against me;
a violent gang is trying to kill me.
You mean nothing to them.
15 But you, O Lord,
are a God of compassion and mercy,
slow to get angry
and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.
16 Look down and have mercy on me.
Give your strength to your servant;
save me, the son of your servant.
17 Send me a sign of your favor.
Then those who hate me will be put to shame,
for you, O Lord, help and comfort me.
your prayers are coveted.
thank you.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
a vacation and 'the real deal' in the new year
well, dad got a week off from his chemo treatments as his radiation ended the day before Christmas. what a gift to not have to see doctors or the inside of a cement room between Christmas and New Year's~! but with sores in his mouth subsiding, the "burn" and blistering side effects came on like a freight train with enough pain and itching intensity to drive a man crazy! the dark color of the burn has begun to take on a nice rosy hue and the tumor alongside dad's left jawbone has drastically reduced in size; in fact it's not even noticeable... yay!
on the other side of that coin -- or rather his face -- a few other tumors have popped up, one the size of a small macadamia nut under his right eye. it doesn't seems to let up, not even for a minute...
so, today, dad has a dr's appointment to see about the next step -- good blood levels for a new, more intense [dad calls it 'the real deal'], chemotherapy infusion tomorrow. we'll see and i'll keep you posted.
mom is doing okay, though it is hard for her to see her love in pain. she has been so strong through all this. they both have; i see where the example of my own strength has stemmed from -- all rooted in Jesus and a good attitude about life.
please be praying.... ask God to lead you in your prayers. as we have experienced in times past, God does hear the prayers of His people.
on the other side of that coin -- or rather his face -- a few other tumors have popped up, one the size of a small macadamia nut under his right eye. it doesn't seems to let up, not even for a minute...
so, today, dad has a dr's appointment to see about the next step -- good blood levels for a new, more intense [dad calls it 'the real deal'], chemotherapy infusion tomorrow. we'll see and i'll keep you posted.
mom is doing okay, though it is hard for her to see her love in pain. she has been so strong through all this. they both have; i see where the example of my own strength has stemmed from -- all rooted in Jesus and a good attitude about life.
please be praying.... ask God to lead you in your prayers. as we have experienced in times past, God does hear the prayers of His people.
Monday, December 28, 2009
42 years together and the after-effects of radiation
today is my mom and dad's 42nd anniversary -- wow! congratulations you two love birds...
on another note, dad finished his radiation treatments Christmas Eve. We were able to spend Christmas together, enjoying traditional Swedish feast on Christmas Eve, opening gifts from Santa Christmas morning, then visiting Brian's family and mom's sister's family on Christmas Day. it was action packed but so good for all of us as we were able to remember 2 precious lives who were lost to us this year -- my husband Brian and mom's sister Nancy -- with those who loved them. we ventured to the OC to commune with Brian's mom, brother, and sisters. Nancy's husband, Joe, drove up from the desert to spend the evening with mom's other sister Priscilla and her family and friends in Pomona. it was a really good day despite the loss of two dearly loved ones.
now, for dad, the aftermath of the radiation is setting in. burning and pain -- worse than the worse sunburn you've ever experienced -- and because it was on a portion of his face, he has extremely painful sores in his mouth that basically limit his eating ability -- he barely eats enough for a bird. he is in a lot of pain and doesn't quite know what to do. please pray for him. he is intense need of it.
we hope you all had a merry Christmas and that the new year will bring health, happiness and God's blessings to you in abundance.
on another note, dad finished his radiation treatments Christmas Eve. We were able to spend Christmas together, enjoying traditional Swedish feast on Christmas Eve, opening gifts from Santa Christmas morning, then visiting Brian's family and mom's sister's family on Christmas Day. it was action packed but so good for all of us as we were able to remember 2 precious lives who were lost to us this year -- my husband Brian and mom's sister Nancy -- with those who loved them. we ventured to the OC to commune with Brian's mom, brother, and sisters. Nancy's husband, Joe, drove up from the desert to spend the evening with mom's other sister Priscilla and her family and friends in Pomona. it was a really good day despite the loss of two dearly loved ones.
now, for dad, the aftermath of the radiation is setting in. burning and pain -- worse than the worse sunburn you've ever experienced -- and because it was on a portion of his face, he has extremely painful sores in his mouth that basically limit his eating ability -- he barely eats enough for a bird. he is in a lot of pain and doesn't quite know what to do. please pray for him. he is intense need of it.
we hope you all had a merry Christmas and that the new year will bring health, happiness and God's blessings to you in abundance.
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